Evaluation of Closing Night

Here we are then; end of the road. I've taken my final bow as a member of the Enron cast and am very sad to say goodbye. This has been a roller coaster of a production. As a company we have had our ups and downs but I know in my heart that it all paid off on the final night. We came together as a collective and delivered a strong, entertaining and fun production. The whole process is finally completed and I must say I have come out the other side of it understanding myself as a performer a whole lot more than I did. From the moment I knew I was going to be taking on this role I had a lot of excitement for it but also a whole lot of fear. I am glad that I could come to the end of it knowing that we produced a high quality show that will stay with not only me but a lot of people for a very long time.

However the show was not without it's fault. This time round the first thing that went wrong was the light up logo was broken and we had to stamp on a specific area to get it to work. After last performance I was so used to things going wrong I was ready and equipped to handle this sort of situation. During the preset I just added it into the way my mouse moved. This wasn't a huge issue but I couldn't get it turn back on for the "I'm Enron" moment but in the grand scheme of things I'm sure it didn't matter that much. I've realised how important is to sometimes just let things happen instead of trying to solve problems all the times. In this performance I allowed myself to be affect by my surroundings instead of trying to fix them. I felt really in the moment this time around because what the worst possible things could happen and was now fully aware of that sometimes things going wrong doesn't matter that much. 

As I knew it was the last time I would be ever saying these words on that stage I allowed myself to have even more fun. Every moment on stage I just felt like I was happy to be there. Scene 3 has always been my favourite scene to play and tonight was no exception. I felt like I was able to up the stakes even more and that every single word I was saying had importance. This in turn affected my vocal and physical choices. I felt more open as I was trying to hammer home the win and like I was able to share it with the audience more than I had on previous nights. Playing to three sides can be hard but it felt like during that scene I was giving equal energy to all 3 blocks of the theatre and that everyone was getting there moneys worth. Throughout this process Ben's always told me I can afford to be bigger. As someone who was constantly told to tonne stuff down in my early days when I first started at BRIT I really struggled with knowing where the line is. However tonight I believe I found just the right level and even when I was doing more subtle acting it wasn't missed by the audience. 

During the destruction of LJM for the third time the gun didn't go off. At this point I kind of expected it. Instead of just dying from my pre-exisistent Raptor illness, Will decided he was going to strangle me instead. Luckily he had mentioned at before so I was ready for this to happen. I believe this way the right move to make in the moment. It was less anti-climatic and very emotional actually. I may not have invested as much into my Raptor character as I did with Skilling but I was still really connected to being a Raptor. So having my creator literally choke the life out of me was a really moving for me. I think this translated across to the audience as well especially the ones who had seen it before. 

One thing I kept hearing from people that saw it multiple times is that it felt like a different play every night. This means we did a really good job at keeping all the scenes fresh and reactive every single performance. The way the play was blocked allowed for a lot of freedom and the ability to make decisions that could affect the whole dynamic of a scene. For example the office scene with Olivia I had the option to keep my cool when Claudia raises her voices or sink to her level. I differed every performance but this time I decided to be playful and just let me arrogance flow. I raised my voice, I withheld I contact. I just really felt in control of the whole scene. It's nice that I could still find new things even in the last performance. At the end of the office physical theatre sequence I accidentally made eye contact with my daughter up on the balcony and didn't look away until the end of the scene. I know it was a little detailed but it really fuelled the guilt complex I had towards her character. This may have gone unnoticed by every one but it didn't matter because I used it to charge my imagined inner life and relationship moreover adding another layer to my performance. 

In conclusion this process has been a difficult but rewarding one. As a company we have come together again and again tell this amazing story and I feel honoured to have been a part of it. I know that we made something truly special over these last few months, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.